F*************KKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK.

Is there such a thing as an ice bath for your brain? Could it hurt anything? Maybe I should try it.

I worked and reworked it. Called it done. Submitted it to a contest. A few months later I pulled it out again, saw that it sucked and couldn’t believe I ever thought it ready for a second pair of eyes, let alone a contest. I had my mentor Corbin review it, I reworked it based on her suggestions, then sent it to her again, she made a few suggestions and approved its release but after that I still felt the need to revise three more times.

When I first sat down with the piece, I just needed to fix a few things. An hour, then two more hours and a grumbling hubby later, I looked it over before running off to a holiday party. It was close. Later in the afternoon, I looked it over again. I prepared the envelope, then I worked on it for two more hours. I wondered if this was just nerves. I forced myself to send it off.

Shoot me in the head before I do this at novel level. No wonder writer’s drink themselves in to comas.

I must build the revision muscle. Like a marathon, pushing myself to the extremes I need to win contests and publish is something I must develop by forcing myself past anywhere I have ever been before. I know significant improvement happens over time, and with a lot of practice. In my case, a whole lot of practice. I didn’t have the patience before but I had the lofty goals in abundance. This time I did it by making myself fix the stupid crap I didn’t like even when I ached to leave it and hope it was ok. Geez, so six more hours after the professional looked at it. What’s wrong with me?

I find so many similarities between writing and running. At first I could only go a mile at one time, then I built up enough stamina, lung capacity, muscle and discipline to finish a half marathon. Then I finished another. I proved to myself that I could do it so I wasn’t terrified to try it again.

I hope that like running, when you push yourself to the point of soreness, the next time it’s easier, just like my first running coach said, “You’re training your body on what you want it to be able to do next time and it builds itself to make that happen.” Can my mind, character and spirit do this as well? I think through running I have improved on the areas of my soul that hold discipline and the willingness to work hard for a long term goal.

Somebody out there please tell me it’s the same for revision muscle.